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I Screwed Up!

I screwed up my class today! Yes, at least I felt this way!


I really cherish and appreciate this subbing opportunity that the studio owner offered to me. I try to make all the classes that they want me to sub. It's such a valuable experience, especially for us, newer teachers.


None-the-less, I screwed it up!



I Have No Idea What Happened!


My phone unexpectedly rang a few times during the class even tho it's already been silenced. I had no time to fix the problem but could only keep teaching. My only wish at that moment was "don't ring again!" It kind of affected my teaching because my mind was not completely calm at that moment. I felt a bit embarrassed and anxious. As a result, more mistakes followed, such as mistaking left or right side, forgetting some sequence, cueing some poses wrongly. I really wish this stupid mistake had never happened.


I know I screwed up but my students were still kind and tolerant with me. After class, I was trying to let go because I remember what my teacher said when I was taking the yoga teacher training. Once you finished teaching a class, just let it go regardless of good or bad.


Back home, I opened my YTT training book and reviewed the second limb of Yoga, Niyama. The last three components of Niyama are Tapas, Svadhyaya, and Ishvarapranidhana, which can really be my guideline for teaching.



 


What are Tapas, Svadhyaya, and Ishvarapranidhana?


There is no smooth sailing on the way of pursuing our dreams. Those who succeed must have taken double even triple efforts to achieve their goals, and of course consistency! Nothing can be done without consistency and patience. It's a long journey though I'm enjoying it. I believe all the efforts will be paid off one day. compared or judged, that is inevitable. Now that I took this step out, I didn't really mind to be compared. If I was staying in my comfort zone, my own community, my teaching experience will never grow. Now I'm just taking baby steps to achieve my goals. I'm seriously comparing myself to the previous me, not anybody else. All great artists started as beginners.


Svadhyaya means self-study. After each class, I usually take time to think things through during the class, conclude what mistakes I made and what I need to improve, rather than reacting emotionally. Regretting doesn't work either. Therefore, I just choose to stop bothering myself, simply noticing where I am and visualizing the next step I should take. Just keep myself moving forward.


Ishvarapranidhana means to let go, release and surrender. This is the most difficult thing for most people, even for myself. It's easier said than done. Like today I felt I screwed up the class, which has been bothering me till now. I'm not comparing myself to other teachers, but myself. I never felt so embarrassed in a class. It's all because it's never happened before. We usually can't get over the embarrassment due to some mistakes that we never think it's gonna happen to us but it did happen. So Ishvarapranidhana tells us to discern what we are not able to control and learn to let go and focus on what we can control. I cannot control what people think, I cannot turn back time, I cannot reverse the mistake. Thus, I just choose to let go, let go all the ego that is bothering me. I focus on improving my teaching skills and pay more attention to avoid such mistakes that I made. Rather than being stuck in the upset, I need to keep going, only because teaching yoga is my biggest passion.


There is no smooth sailing on the way of pursuing our dreams. Those who have succeeded must have taken double even triple efforts to achieve their goals, and of course consistency! Nothing can be done without consistency and patience. It's a long journey though I'm enjoying it. I believe all the efforts will be paid off one day.




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